17. Kids

Many women’s strategy, conscious or not, is to focus on college and career while having fun dating only the top 10% of guys. The biological alarm bell goes off at around age 30. They want kids. The average guys that were invisible are now prime targets for their exit out of the workplace and into a cushy work-at-home gig having kids. They settled. You are not worthy and they will never let you forget it. The bill for all the free sex you got is stapled to your forehead. She cuts you off faster than a gambler over his credit limit.

You find that the promise of love at last was a mirage. She quits her job as soon she sees the little red lines on her pregnancy test. She calls her friend and then calls work to quit. Your income is cut in half. Your expenses double and double again. Any dreams you had are dashed. The new car you wanted is not going to happen. No more golf with the guys. She insists on a joint checking account. Your paychecks go in and the money is gone. She complains and insists that you make more money. You work overtime to pay for her salon visits and shopping. She wants a bigger safer car. An expensive SUV with 3 rows of seats. You sign an 84 month loan at $900 per month. Insurance and gas go way up. You keep driving the beater Honda civic you bought used in college. Next she says she needs a bigger house for the babies. Babies?

Kid number 2, 3 and so on come next. You are shell shocked and numb. You can leave but then she gets half and support payments. You can see yourself living downtown in a room over the hardware store next to the homeless shelter and drug dealers. You stay as the least bad option. Who knows, maybe you get a sympathy romp once a month. Don’t bet on it.

She has what she wants so it’s time to move on. Her game now is to go back to the merry-go-round of dating to find another bad boy Chad. She cheats on you more than a card shark. She wants to recapture to the excitement of her youth. She takes trips with the girls while you are home paying off the credit cards. She loses whatever little respect she had for you. She finds you disgusting even to look at. Compared to the Chads she was romping with you are a worm. You are shunned. She has rehearsed her next moves and is ready to go.

She files for divorce. Her girlfriends encouraged her along the way. Her parents agreed you were never good enough for their little princess. They all congratulate her and welcome her back to the fold.

She justifies her actions by declaring how you never deserved her in the first place. In her mind you owe her and she is going to collect. She takes half, demands alimony and is instantly awarded child custody and support payments. You are kicked out of the house you bought for her. You get a U-Haul and the mortgage payments.

What about the kids? You think they are your kids. You hope they are. Are you sure? Did you get a DNA test? You probably don’t want to find out but you married a party girl with a high body count. You thought you could tame her but failed.

Even if the DNA matches up you are in for another surprise. Your kids are yours only if the state says so. She can divorce you on a whim and you will learn what rights you really have. She can be a crack whore and still be awarded custody. The court only wants to be sure the state won’t have to pay to support her and the kids.

You can be Father of the Year and get to see “your” kids maybe every other weekend. You will arrive on time and the latest Bob in a long line of Bobs that are doing your ex-wife will greet you at the door with a condescending smirk on his face. He will tell you about the weekend getaway they have planned and paid for with your money. You want to kill Bob but resist the temptation. You gradually lose interest and maybe see the kids on holidays.

Worse is that the kids can be turned against you by a vindictive, manipulative borderline crazy wife, ex or not, and the culture that demonizes you. As they grow up and become independent you will watch your investment and sacrifices add to nothing but estranged hostile progeny. Your legacy turns to dust and there is nothing you can do about it.

You sensed this at the time but did not want to admit it to your self. You voluntarily walked into the world’s oldest trap. You lose now. She loses later when she finds the Chads still want the younger girls and she is not one of them. She may try to trap you again. Apologizing and making lame promises. Run and don’t look back.

Here is your escape. Be chaste or really careful to avoid teen pregnancy. Do you want to pay child support for 18 years for a few moments of (likely awkward) bliss? At 18 get a vasectomy or tubal ligation. That takes care of the biggest yoke that can be placed around your neck. Nobody but perhaps eager to be grandparents will care. They will get over it, or not.